american things that are surely fictional:
- donald trump
- blue raspberry
- wearing shoes indoors
- texas?????
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Actually, I can vouch for Texas, my brother lives there.
- your brother
I never leave the house without my collection of magic items:
KEYS—allow walking through walls at predefined locations.
GLASSES— remove one disability.
WALLET—can be converted into practically anything, up to a finite total monetary value.
PANTS—vastly decrease risk of getting arrested.
SHOES–allow walking over surfaces which are too hot or rough.
BOOK-allows temporary travel to alternate reality
PURSE–increases the number of items that can be carried at once.
COAT-allow survival at below freezing temperatures.
“There’s a monster under my bed!”
“Yes. He watches over you at night and chases away your nightmares.”
“There’s a monster in my closet!”
“Yes. She loves the smell of the laundry detergent I use, and she’s busy trying to organize your shoes.”
“There’s a monster under the stairs!”
“Yes. She collects spiders and he makes sure you don’t trip while going to get water.”
“There’s a monster right outside my window!”
“Yes. He’s pulling weeds from the garden and protecting us from burglars.”
“There’s a monster behind the couch!”
“Yes. He’s eating all the crumbs you left behind and hiding pennies in the cushions.”
“Oh. Then good night.”
“Good night, Dear.”
This is how you do parenting!!! Take notes!!!
What if instead of defining clothes by gender…
We define clothes by aethstetic.
Punk rock pants.
Pastel jacket.
Rocker shirt.
Preppy shoes.
Etc.
Yes, like in Animal Crossing.
Okay, so this post became super popular for some reason, and some people have been messaging me about how clothes need gender because bodies are different.
Something about that sits extremely uncomfrotably with me, probably the fact that this is, technically, defining gender by body shape.
to get to the point, why not call this “fit” or “cut” and not “gender”. For example, straight cut, apple cut, pear cut, hourglass, etc.
But not gender.
AND EVERYTHING IS SIZED EMPIRICALLY USING THE METRIC SYSTEM
me after death *slams the hell’s gate open, takes off the bra and the shoes, sits on satan’s lap*: I’m fuckin’ home, what’s the wifi password
Saw some folks asking about the swimsuits, which I thought was cute of y’all to notice :3 I will never pass up a chance to do some fashion drawings if I have a minute!
Careers by sign
Aries: army and police, surgeon, mechanics, iron and steel, firefighting, industrialists, athletes.
Taurus: luxury goods, jewelry, cosmetics, music, actors, banking, tailors, fashion, property.
Gemini: media and journalism, accountants, representatives, translators, writers.
Cancer: naval and marine, fishing, nursing, interior design, food, petroleum, historians.
Leo: government jobs, politics, religion, investing, diplomacy.
Virgo: computing, astrology, accounting, media, doctors, healing.
Libra: judges, artists, cosmetics, fashion, receptionists, advertising, interior decorating, prostitutes.
Scorpio: chemicals, drugs, liquids, insurance, doctors, nurses, police, occult.
Sagittarius: law, religion, banking and finance, entrepreneurs, athletes, clothing and shoes.
Capricorn: raw material extraction and processing such as lumber and mining
Aquarius: advisors, consultants, philosophers, astrologers, engineers, computing
Pisces: doctors, marine related, chemicals, oil, painters, hospital, prisons.
I put on my Tinder profile that I hate sports, I don’t drink beer and I’m 150% feminine all day all the time and so many guys are like…offended? One guy was like “what if the guy you like loves sports, you won’t even watch with him?” And I asked “will you wake up at 8am during fashion week to watch live streams of shows with me because that’s what I’m really interested in. And he said “I don’t really find that interesting.” And I’m like THEN WHY THE FUCK WOULD I CARE ABOUT SPORTS FOR YOU OMG.
this isn’t an isolated thing. women are expected to change for men. if you don’t want to have children (ever) then someone is bound to say to you: well, what if your husband wants to have children? i was thinking about dyeing my hair & my dad says, what if the guy you’re dating doesn’t like it? we’re expected to lose weight & to dress in a certain way to appeal to men. we’re expected to be less opinionated, less assertive, less talented when competing against a man… it never fucking ends.
DO YOU AND WEED OUT THE WEAK MEN 🌺